Growth of an Individual
by cashew
Summary: “Men should not be allowed to participate in any part of the birthing experience other than the act that it takes to get to the birthing part.” Ginny and Harry extend their family but Ginny’s new role as mother is making her a bit neurotic.
1. Chapter One

Growth of an Individual

Chapter One

Men should not be allowed to participate in any part of the birthing experience other than the act that it takes to get to the birthing part.

This was the only thing that was running through my mind as I held my child in my arms for the first time. I knew that I shouldn't care that I looked absolutely dreadful, covered in sweat, blood, and tears. It shouldn't bother me that my legs were still spread open for any passing stranger to see. But it did bother me. In fact, I had tears welling up in my eyes; not from joy, from the humiliation that my unclean red curls were sticking unpleasantly to my face and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

I couldn't even look at my husband. All I felt was an extreme awkwardness, he'd probably divorce me now. Well of course I had to let her go, he'd tell all of his friends, if you had seen that horrific scene you would have too. I mean you have never seen an uglier woman, especially when you add in all that fat, yuck. I thought that after she had the kid the excess weight would be gone…I knew that whole eating for two nonsense was crap.

"You are so beautiful," Harry whispered in my ear as he placed an affectionate kiss on my forehead and then one on our new daughter's. Filthy liar, he knew damned well that I looked anything besides beautiful. I kept quiet though, even though I knew he was lying it was still somewhat nice to hear. It would be nicer if it were true. You should look beautiful after you give birth, you go through all that pain, you should come out of looking like a beauty queen.

"God Gin," he continued while wiping away my tears, "do you have any idea how amazing you are?" I finally met his gaze and was astounded to see a tender loving look there. Surprisingly enough, this made me somewhat angry. He had no right to look at me like he truly thought I was more beautiful than ever. It would be better if he just looked away in shame and told me that he would give me a few hours to 'pull myself together' before coming back and visiting with us.

"What do you think we should name her," he asked while turning his doting gaze to his daughter. I bit my lip and hung my head in shame, I was so confident that it would be a boy that I kind of had only been concerned with boy names. I had good ones too!

Taking my silence the wrong way he gave me a shy smile, "are you not going to talk to me at all?"

I had begged him to allow me to name the child. _I'm_ the one who has to carry it for nine months and do the actual give birth thing, had been my main argument. After a long fight that had ended with him making a run to get me chocolate ice cream with pickles he had agreed to leave the naming to me. At the moment I felt kind of bad about my selfishness, but if you had heard the names he wanted you would have put up a fight too! He wanted to name our poor innocent child Albus Hagrid if it was a boy. Now Hagrid and Dumbledore are both two fine, upstanding gentlemen that I consider myself lucky to even know, but that name is just dreadful. But at the moment reaping my rewards for winning the fight didn't seem quite as sweet as they had at the time. I had no name. I needed to buy some time…

I turned my head to him and closed most of the distance between us, "I love you." He smiled and filled the remaining space, naming momentarily forgotten. As I allowed him to fuss over me for a few minutes my mind rampaged through every girl name that I had ever heard of. Alexandria? No, too prissy. Natalie? This one seemed alright. Except, she just didn't look like a Natalie. This was difficult.

"Gin?" Harry said after he had promptly smothered me with feathery kisses, "how about a name? We don't want our little girl to be an anonymous no one, now do we?"

At this point I burst into tears. "Oh God you're right! She is going to suffer an identity crisis because her mother was too stupid to give her the right name!"

His eyes widened in horror, "no, no, no," he expertly backtracked, "I'm sure that whatever name you've decided upon will be absolutely perfect."

"That's just it though," I cried out in confession, "I don't have a name picked out, I only thought of boy names!"

"Oh," he said, clearly showing his surprise, "well that's alright then, just think of one now."

Just think of one now? Was the man mad? Sure, why don't I just brand my child with a name that could very well ruin her life. A horrible name could mean that she would be made fun of, beat up…she would never get a date because everyone would be too horrified to be attached to a name as awful as hers!

"What's your favorite girl name Gin?" I glared at him, if I knew what my favorite girl name was then I wouldn't very well be in this bloody situation! Sensing his mistake he tried again. "What's that one girl that you and Hermione are always going on about? The one that's sickeningly thin that's always on our television?"

"Audrey Hepburn," I offered.

"That's the one," he snapped his fingers together, "you're always saying how much you admire her and I know that we have all of her movies…on VHS and DVD, but I won't get into the uselessness of that."

"You want me to name her Audrey?" I asked in an extremely dry tone.

"Well," he said innocently, "why not?"

I looked down at the miracle in my arms. Audrey. Somehow it fit. So perhaps I was a little delirious with lack of sleep and pain exhaustion, but she really did look like an Audrey. She was so pure and small. "Audrey," I said with a smile, "I like it."

He smiled back in relief, "so Audrey then?" I nodded in confirmation as he picked up her small hand and placed it into his own, "Audrey Potter," he said in a serious tone, "welcome to the world."

A few hours and a good cleaning for both Audrey and myself did me a world of good. Things were looking up; my hair was fresh and clean, my body was no longer drenched in sweat, my legs were closed, and I had the most beautiful little girl in the world.

I meant that too, she really was astonishingly gorgeous, especially when she wasn't crying…which unfortunately for me, wasn't often. Her loud wails pierced through the supposed peaceful silence of the hospital and I looked around frantically, waiting for someone to barge into the room and yell that hospitals were supposed to be _quiet_.

But the only person who came was Harry, and the only thing he did was kiss Audrey and lovingly say that she was the sweetest thing he had ever encountered. Sweet? Didn't he hear the deaf making sounds coming from her? I flinched immediately after having that thought, he was right she was sweet, just a tad loud.

After a few more moments of me inexpertly rocking Audrey and doing everything short of begging on my hands and knees to get her to stop crying, Harry eased her out of my tired arms and into his own stronger ones. Once he had her settled with him in the chair beside of my bed she looked up at him with her huge blue eyes in wonder and stopped crying. I was so relieved that I almost burst into a sobbing fit myself.

It was complete beautiful bliss. I rested against the assortment of pillows and let the image of my husband and child sink into my mind. I wanted to remember this forever, Harry carefully holding his daughter for the first time. I was about to get my wand out to conjure a camera to make sure that I would always remember this when the door opened to reveal a young, pretty, and not to mention perky, nurse.

I glared at her harshly, she was interrupting my moment. "Hello," she greeted happily, unaware that her death was being plotted in my mind. She immediately rushed over to Harry and Audrey and leaned down to get a better look at my child, giving my husband an unavoidable view of her chest. My glare deepened as the word home wrecker flashed through my mind with neon lights.

"Did you want something" I asked coldly.

She jerked up and glanced at me nervously. Good, she should be afraid of me. "Um, well you see they sent me so that I could show you -er, teach you- how to breastfeed."

Breastfeed? I looked down at my chest in horror, God that sounded atrociously painful. And what did she mean _show _me? She had damn well better keep those 'perky' breasts of hers underneath that unattractive white robe set that all the nurses wore.

Sensing impending danger Harry stood carefully and moved beside me, "I think that perhaps it would be best to wait a while longer, let Gin rest up some."

The blonde bimbo agreed and left hurriedly. Harry turned to me in an amused fashion, "I think you have terrified the nurse."

I shrugged and pulled him and Audrey down on the bed with me. Nurse forgotten he smiled at me as we both held our daughter, I would worry about breastfeeding later.


	2. Chapter Two

Growth of an Individual

Chapter Two

I surveyed the scene with a growing amount of annoyance. My entire family had barged into the small hospital room the second that I was allowed visitors. I loved my family, honestly I did, but that didn't change the fact that this was not some social hour and they were all standing around talking, laughing, and having a great time. Fred and George looked as though they were about ready to bust out some alcohol, just to complete the party scene.

And the worst part was the most that anyone had said to me thus far was "don't worry Gin, you'll look better in a few days." Yeah, there's the compliment of a lifetime. I had always thought that new mothers were supposed to have a 'glow' about them…I suppose that particular healthy glow skipped over me. Figures. Mother Nature was a bitch anyway.

As I was cursing Mother Nature in my slightly demented head I must have been making unpleasant faces -something I am prone to do when in a irritable mood- because Harry suddenly looked very concerned across the room. I felt a vague sense of smug satisfaction as he quickly made his way to my side, at least someone had been paying attention to me.

"This is too much for you isn't it dear," he whispered sweetly into my ear. "Is it upsetting you to have this many people around?"

I put on my best pathetic face and nodded compliantly. "They _are_ rather loud."

Harry nodded understandably and quickly made rounds throughout the room, asking politely but sternly for my family to continue their visit once Audrey and I had been discharged. I accepted a kiss and compliment -on how beautiful my daughter was- from each member of my immediate family before I was left in a peaceful bliss with Harry and Audrey.

As it should be, in my opinion. I was starting to feel homicidal with so many Weasleys and Weasley spouses surrounding me. I would see them all at the next family gathering. That very thought brought a scowl to my face, we had family gatherings far too often. I am not even being a bad child when saying that my mother was a bloody dictator about them. Every Saturday and Sunday every single member of the family was required to be at the Burrow for dinner and 'visiting.' This originated shortly after Bill got his girlfriend pregnant, out of -gasp- wedlock. She must have assumed that horrible things happened on weekends, so we should spend them at home, playing things like Guess That Weasley. A game that was thought up by my father, I would tell you the details of it but they are far too boring to repeat.

Harry handed me Audrey as it was time for me to feed her once more. I had begun breastfeeding, it wasn't quite as painful as I had imagined, but it was nonetheless just plain awkward. Just flop you breast out there for the world to see, you're a mother now so social etiquette is out the window. I'm serious, my mother -bless her overbearing soul- brought me a book completely devoted to the subject. They said if you were in public and you're new baby was hungry, well don't hesitate to begin feeding, no one minds. _I_ mind!

As soon as she was done, Audrey began to cry before she was handed over to her father. I felt used. I carried her for _nine months _of my life, went through extricating pain to bring her into this world, sacrificed my breast so she could continue living and she picked Harry over me. I looked at Harry as he smiled and cooed at her, smug bastard.

Nurse Porno Film came in shortly after that to take Audrey back to the nursery. Harry handed her to her and I glared protectively. My protection of my daughter quickly turned into irritation as she didn't cry when the home wrecker carried her! She just looked blissfully peaceful. I watched her being carried off in her peace and burst into tears yet again.

Harry placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, "I know how you feel Gin, but don't worry she'll only be gone for a few hours."

I swallowed back my tears, I would not voice my suspicions that my own child already hated me. He'd been around, he would probably agree with me being the honest bloke that he is. Feeling self-sacrificing I briefly considered bowing out of my own family so my daughter and husband could be with Nurse Breast Enhancement Charms; they would be better off. This idea was quickly scrapped though as the thought made me ill…they would just have to be stuck with fat, ugly, child-hated me. Lucky them.

Harry placed his arm around me and pulled me into a hug. "Cheer up doll, we all get to go home tomorrow."

Home. This thought did brighten up my day somewhat. I loved my house with such a passion that I swear I would kill myself if it were ever torn down. My home growing up was full of love and had a wonderful atmosphere; as a house itself though, it left something to be desired. Of course I always felt like an ungrateful bitch when I thought this, but it was the truth.

My own home though, was what dreams are made of. Harry has played professional Quidditch ever since the war ended and being the best seeker in the league brought home very healthy paychecks. Not to mention that he was rich before that anyway. Our home was huge, beautiful, loving…everything that I had ever dreamed of when I was a little girl. I felt a surge of love for Harry as I thought about how he built the house specifically for me, even though I know for a fact that he preferred something on smaller scale.

Oh, and the baby room. I just knew that Audrey would not be able to hold out on her hatred for me when she saw the room that I designed for her. It was absolutely gorgeous, any baby would feel blessed to get to live there. Yes, everything would be fine as soon as I got out of this damn hospital.

I smiled up at Harry, "I think that you're right. Everything is going to be wonderful."

Early the next morning I awoke with a start. Panting and close to hyperventilating I looked down in relief at my non-pregnant stomach. Whatever intelligent individual that said that the miraculous joy of motherhood made you instantly forget whatever "minimal" pain you had to endure during childbirth should be drug out into the street and hung. This was the second nightmare that I'd had about it!

I'm serious, there must be something off in my mind. In my dream I would still be pregnant, only even bigger and more pregnant than I was before. I could literally feel the harsh contractions and the unbearable urge to push…only no one would help me, they all just stood around with smiles on there faces saying "it's not that bad, now is it?" I would push and push and push until I felt like I was going to die, and then I would wake up in a panic. That cannot be a natural afterbirth occurrence. I was going to be a horrible mother, I could just feel it. I couldn't even get over the pain of giving birth! Why wasn't I smiling and carrying on, "it's not that bad when you think about it, I mean just look at what you get out of it. In fact I would _gladly _go through it all over again."

I didn't care if this made me abnormal, I was not having another child. We could adopt, but pregnancy was out of the question.

I hung my head in shame, I was a horrible person. Tears filled my eyes, Audrey had every right to hate me.

With a defeated sigh I looked up at the clock, it was only six. I had sent Harry home so that he could get some sleep and clothes for me. He wouldn't be here for another few hours at least.

Now bored, depressed, and unable to sleep I got out of the bed. My eyes widened at the pain of just moving out of the bed. God hated all women, I decided.

Grimacing with every strained movement I put my robe on, the only way to get over this current pain was to walk to off. Lying in bed would do me no good. Feeling slightly proud of myself for having this positive line of thinking I left the room and took an extremely slow stroll down the hall. When I neared the birthing rooms my pace quickened, despite my pain, as I heard the too familiar moans and screams.

I eventually reached one of the waiting rooms and noticed a pile of new fashion magazines with glee. Glee soon turned to irritation though as I flipped through one and noticed the skinny models and was only reminded of my own bulging stomach.

I tossed the magazine aside and took notice for the first time to a woman sitting on the opposite end of the waiting room. She had her knees pulled protectively to her chest and was crying loudly.

I bit my lip and felt out of place. When she began a fresh batch of tears I was ready to leave the poor woman alone when she raised her grief-stricken head.

Unable to flee beneath her bitter stare I stayed and looked at her uncomfortably across the room.

"You just had a baby, didn't you?" She asked through her sobs.

I nodded and walked towards her, she obviously needed someone to comfort her. I always hated being alone when I was sad.

I sat down next to her and noticed her wistful gaze. "You are so lucky," she choked out, "it's just not fair!"

"What's not fair?" I asked tentatively.

She threw out an exasperated arm, "that you can have a baby and I can't!" She shook her head bitterly and turned to look me in the eye, "do you know what it's like to have a miscarriage?"

I cast my eyes down to the floor, "no."

"I do. I've had _five_. And every time I have to see people like you walking around without a care in the world, just shoving their babies in everyone's faces."

"I'm sorry," I offered feeling even more depressed.

She laughed resentfully, "everyone's sorry. I don't want your pity, just leave."

I stayed for a minute, wishing there was something that I could do, or say to make her feel better. Realizing there was nothing to compensate for her losses I did as she requested.

I felt absolutely horrible. She was right, I was lucky to have a baby. And even if she did spend her whole life hating me, I would still love her.

I walked to the nursery and spotted my daughter with ease. She looked like an angel, asleep in her pink and white bassinette. I placed a hand to the glass and felt closer to her. Today we would go home, and I swore that everything would be better. I would be the perfect mother, I vowed, I would prove worthy of having the ability to have a child.

Little did I know, that Audrey had other plans in store for me.


End file.
